Tell me….. If you don’t need me, What help are you To me? ——- If you have no use for me, I have no use for you. Tit For tatt. ——- It is childish., I will cut off my nose. Does it matter? Have you need of it? ——— I think what I’m saying is,ContinueContinue reading “Reciprocity”
Category Archives: Other things
My heart is on a train.
My heart’s not in the highlands, My heart isn’t here. —- The chocolate brown, endless moor Under a closed blanket of endless damp — Holds nothing for me. —- There’s barely a shelter, Barely a tree But the yellow, fire orange gorse bush Brightens the scene. —- We call at Kingussie, With a silent g.ContinueContinue reading “My heart is on a train.”
Your idea of me
I offered you the real me Perhaps once, or twice too often. ——- Of course it was too much, It would be too much. ——- And you invented another me. Easier to manage, Easier to explain. ——- I try to be the other me For you When I’m with you. But this me is stillContinueContinue reading “Your idea of me”
Who am I?
============ Why do I drink? Because I want to be a drinker. ——— Why do I work? Because I want to be a worker. ———- Why do I play? Because I want to be a player. ———- Why do I love? =========== Why do I sleep? Because I want to be a sleeper. ———- WhyContinueContinue reading “Who am I?”
Desperately seeking rejection
Seemed like a good title To explain yesterday’s revelation. ——- I seek interaction With others, In friendship, As well as love. But I cannot ever stop So must always be rejected. —— I must learn to anticipate. I remember in cadets; “Never anticipate the order” Seems to be hard wired In me. ——- I needContinueContinue reading “Desperately seeking rejection”
In search of a decent cooked breakfast
Hash browns are the answer. Avoid them. A mean unimaginative compromise. Bubble and squeak is what I want With bacon, eggs and beans. ——— There is no problem at home. I fry pumpkin, then eggs, then bacon, and mushrooms to clean the pan. Nothing more, But a little bread to wipe it round. ———— IContinueContinue reading “In search of a decent cooked breakfast”
Wo soll ich dich suchen?
Plays when I turn on my music box Means – Where should I look for you? ————- I lose my composure. Papers all over the floor Was i composed? I didn’t realise. ————— I wonder how I’d explain myself to the disinterested parties on this miserable foreign train. 20 years And what does that mean?ContinueContinue reading “Wo soll ich dich suchen?”
Honey
They say honey has been found in the pyramids Thousands of years old Still edible, Still sweet. ———————- I never had a taste for it, Or a habit of eating the stuff, But, in better days We’d have visitors, And honey Would often be brought. ——————— I see it now as a precious store ofContinueContinue reading “Honey”
Pain II
For some people Grief Is about the other. ————————- It is a selfless thing. They feel pain That is real, And they endure it For the one they love. ————————— Not for me. ————————— For me it is selfish. It is mine and mine alone. —————————- I’ve been called stoic. What shite? Ute was stoic,ContinueContinue reading “Pain II”
Pain
I don’t know that I’ve ever known it. ——————— I remember As a child Of ten? Running, with my blazer over my head, Elbows outstretched, Head down – Think I was a thunderbird, Or a pterodactyl – Straight into a brick wall ———————— I can remember the crack But not the pain. ————————- Pain hadContinueContinue reading “Pain”
What is a relationship?
What is this thing we call relationship That has fallen – so out of fashion? Am I to know when it begins, Or when it ends? ————————- If I hold your hand is that a contract? If I think about you after we part is that something you fear? What about dreams of the future?ContinueContinue reading “What is a relationship?”
Stand in the place where I am
—————- If you have visited me You might have been shocked At the state of my home, And my lack of care For your visit. —————— I have been learning That this is not unusual For folk in my situation. —————— You most likely ran away, And won’t come back. —————— But I need you,ContinueContinue reading “Stand in the place where I am”
I have a dear friend
I have a friend called Whisky A terribly unfortunate friend. I have great sympathy for Whisky, Pour whisky ————- Whisky lost a fortune, Pour whisky Whisky slipped on the ice, Pour whisky ————— Dear Whisky, A good friend indeed. I hope Whisky doesn’t have too much more misfortune. Hic’ Pour whisky ————— ————— Feel freeContinueContinue reading “I have a dear friend”
Red light
I give way at red lights But I don’t have time to wait, To get cold, And all the while in clear and present danger. ————————- Those who don’t dress cool And venture out on a bike can’t know this, This feeling of energy, Immortality, Power. ———————- This morning, Mid morning, In Newington Causeway, crossingContinueContinue reading “Red light”
Light bulbs
As there are two kinds of light bulbs So there are two kinds of love, Probably many more…. There are L.E.D. light bulbs; That achieve great efficiency That can be left on all day and all night At minimal cost, That shed a mean light signal Devoid of warmth. And there are incandescent bulbs; BulbsContinueContinue reading “Light bulbs”
Vacuous
Learning to listen isn’t easy, When no one speaks, And I fill the vacuum Incessantly ————- And I should have seen this coming; Publishing my address On the internet… ————— A year later…. 47 Valentine’s cards. Each with no message, And no means of reply. —————— I’m sure they’re all from well meaning strangers WhoContinueContinue reading “Vacuous”
Chasing women
When you chase an intelligent woman Mind you don’t speak in rhyme. Don’t sing her songs, Nor dance before her. She’ll not be impressed. —————— For an intelligent woman Has seen it all before, And she knows she has no need of thee, And that happier she’ll be Alone. —————— So ask yourself, what moreContinueContinue reading “Chasing women”
Stewed apples
What is this alchemy? These apples were devoid of any sweetness or texture. They fell to the ground and were ignored for three months or more By the mice, the rats, the fox and cats, And by my good self. —————— The frost did all he could To sink his icy claws into them. TheContinueContinue reading “Stewed apples”
One starry night
https://open.spotify.com/track/6tqtBSQ0byoeyIdkdYHI1Y?si=bWkM392tSgC6gSBVMLgklg One starry night as I lay sleepingOne starry night as I lay in bedI dreamed I heard wagon wheels a creakingWhen I awoke, my own love had fled I’ll search the highways, likewise the bywaysI’ll search the boreens, the camping places too,I will inquire all of our peopleHave they tide or tidings or sightContinueContinue reading “One starry night”
What to do?
When you’re lonely and sad And the only person who talks Doesn’t talk enough, Keeps their distance. ———- And every time you hear from them something in your brain goes haywire. It expects more. You’re startled from your miserable equilibrium. You expect the pleasure of companionship, Of contact, Of more, But all you have isContinueContinue reading “What to do?”
Learning about Love
Mind now, Don’t preach at him. He doesn’t like to hear any word that might be uttered in a church. Touchy boy. I think love is a word, Not a concept. It is used in many ways. Did he love his dad? Did I love mine? And of course there is familial love, Which growsContinueContinue reading “Learning about Love”
To no one in particular
Two songs,…. I don’t really understand either… Or why it’s relevant…. To anything.…. Or anyone…. https://open.spotify.com/track/6tqtBSQ0byoeyIdkdYHI1Y?si=WzhqULmxSnei4NQLh7MWxA&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A1IiLNL7LeHmPqmefggy3cQ https://open.spotify.com/track/7ExSGiqt0W5xu3XoAwjnDm?si=0KeRFr89SkqSw08mLYWnpw&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1EYkqdzj48dyYq The second is proper nonsense, (maybe the first is too), but the mood carries some sort of message. Best wishes. S.
A good question
—————- For a listener, A good question 1st Needs to demonstrate Having heard something, But not Get lost In that detail. ——————- This happens to me. I get lost in the detail And I miss What you Are telling me. ————- So A question Needs to be prepared And forgotten ————- And I Need toContinueContinue reading “A good question”
Seeking community without dependence
I accept that you and I are quite different, But desirous of something similar. And perhaps also something different. ———- You; Have no need of me, But you keep in touch, And, sometimes, make time for me. ——— I; Am learning to have no need of you. Am diminishing my correspondence. Am hoping, as myContinueContinue reading “Seeking community without dependence”
Loving you still
I feel a warmness tonight., A burden truly lifted. I can trust in you To keep me warm. ————- You will warm me yourself Or through another. And I will always know your love And you mine. I need say no more.
Playing with words
can be a dangerous game. Most new dictionary terms are just new ways of expressing old things. My last piece titled Non monogamy has caused me considerable unquiet, and, I think, not been well understood without laboured explanation. When the public mood gives priority to an issue, we seek to address it with new laws,ContinueContinue reading “Playing with words”
Non Monogamy
I’ve been meaning to write about this for some time, I didn’t mean to make it a blog post, but since I’ve been pretty open about my pursuit of human contact I don’t see why this shouldn’t sit here in the timeline. And I’m on holiday from my fiction writing, so my characters can spendContinueContinue reading “Non Monogamy”
Opening up to love and adventure.
My newest creation is Lora. Actually she isn’t my creation she was given to me, and I am very grateful. Lora seems very young, I didn’t mean her to be, but I needed an openness which is hard to find in adulthood. I know this because I’ve been looking for love for a year now,ContinueContinue reading “Opening up to love and adventure.”
The woodlouse
Escaped from an apple, One of a million Wind fallen apples, And on the run Across the table. —————- I sit up late Amongst the fruit, Carefully trimming out By lamp light The bruises, and the scaly bits of core. Chopping them into thin slices And spreading them on trays. —————— I don’t know whereContinueContinue reading “The woodlouse”
What’s the point of a blog?
Or, what’s the point of this blog? —————- It keeps getting hijacked For different reasons But always by me. —————— It is a kind of semaphore A primitive signaling system. Smoke signals That can be seen for miles If anyone is looking. ——————- But before sending a message One needs to know what one wantsContinueContinue reading “What’s the point of a blog?”
Guarding your light II
Is that what you do? It’s dazzling. ———— And I transfixed Dazed, Confused, Bewildered By your energy. ————— Your radiant warmth Needs no telephony. I Need no exploding device To shatter my calm. I need no direct gaze To be blinded by you, —————- But there you are On that far off Malabar shore TryingContinueContinue reading “Guarding your light II”
Ein Kind ist geboren
Across the sea and up a big river a child has entered the world. Were my love alive today this would be her niece, And she would know what to do. It is barely a year since we buried those ashes In that shady tidy place, So much further away. —————- The child is hopeContinueContinue reading “Ein Kind ist geboren”
Guarding your light
At this time of year my bike is fitted with a hub dynamo. The switch in the lamp is broken. So it’s always on. At the station I need to guard it, so not to signal to, or annoy the drivers. It’s important to keep a good light, But also to shield it, For itContinueContinue reading “Guarding your light”
What is it like to be black?
What is it like to be black? I do not know, I cannot comment. What is it like to be poor and black? I do not know, I cannot comment. What is it like to be rich and black? I do not know, I cannot comment. What is it like to be poor and black,ContinueContinue reading “What is it like to be black?”
Your name
Comes to me 1st as I wake But with no reason, It’s just a name, Maybe a feeling? ————- I make myself think About you— And with the pleasure Comes a little pain….. That it takes effort To turn the name ————- Into solid thought, Memory of you. ————— Now tears too, Guilt, Regret. AContinueContinue reading “Your name”
New suits
Two old men in a shabby room over a miserable shop The older man announces with sarcastic enthusiasm the arrival of the suits. I am most surprised, and a little relieved. I was missed out the last few times that gear was handed out. Clearly I’d offended somehow, My card was marked. But now, itContinueContinue reading “New suits”
The wart
It was growing before my wife’s cancer. It waxes and wanes, Grows big and painful in the winter, But almost disappears each summer. —————- A kindly doctor offered to freeze it off, But warned of a little pain. I took that to be a lot of pain, And I had a lot of travel atContinueContinue reading “The wart”
Love.
Tomorrow will be a year since a call from my father in law with news of my wife’s death. I can only describe my love, as in the feeling inside me, as a great, but unwanted resource. There is enough to go round, but no one wants it. The date of the anniversary is anContinueContinue reading “Love.”
The apples that fall in September
The apples that fall in August are better than those that fell in July. But the hair dryer wind that blew in July was enough to dry the best of those, And preserve them without any expense of power. In Penge we have spent many August evenings Meticulously cutting out the mess left behind ByContinueContinue reading “The apples that fall in September”
Choosing the words (Updated, mid Aug)
Choosing the right words When none are wanted, But there is so much to say And all of it humming with portent. Biding my time. Holding my tongue Withholding my very existence. To hibernate at the height of summer. To hide in open sight, To beg God To escape this wretched no-man’s land. Dreaming ThatContinueContinue reading “Choosing the words (Updated, mid Aug)”
Cross dressing
It began with my wife’s socks, Much more cheerful colours than mine. Oh, before that, a sailbag sarong. A questioning of expectation… A re-invention. —————— But I cannot stomach the pretty little pink and turquoise stripes. I wore them for two days, But felt most uncomfortable. And this tshirt is made to accommodate Far moreContinueContinue reading “Cross dressing”
Thoughts on National Service
The Conservative party are seeking to remain in power for another 5 year term, making up to nineteen years in power, less than Putin, but not much less My first thought, on reading of their desperate attempt to appeal to the electorate – ie the old, who have time, and are minded to vote -ContinueContinue reading “Thoughts on National Service”
Memories
The memories of which I speak, Are not the ones that live in my head. -There are plenty of those- But the ones that fill cupboards, And boxes, Nooks, And crannies…. —- Which I come across now and then. When putting away the laundry, Or looking for lost things. —— These are scribbles on paperContinueContinue reading “Memories”
Uncle Peter’s cutlery drawer.
I visited a few weeks before he died., A year after he was widowed. I didn’t understand the illness. ——— Addiction to morphine left him running for the toilet Whenever the dose was cut. ———- I was sent out to buy steak. I came back with a pie Which he barely touched, Nor the vegetables.ContinueContinue reading “Uncle Peter’s cutlery drawer.”
Tinned pears
How many wives make their own tinned pears, From pears grown on their husband’s tree? These were a triumph! But this the last jar. Had you been saving it, Or were they just lost beneath our bed? . None of that nasty grape juice here But proper sugar syrup, And strange foreign bodies Of someContinueContinue reading “Tinned pears”
Who is Millie?
This was my unnerving thought as I woke this morning. The 1st day after putting the clocks back for winter morning light. I was unnerved because I was remembering the name “Millie” with the warm affection usually reserved for my dear wife, companion of twenty years, guardian of my healthy diet, my moral compass, andContinueContinue reading “Who is Millie?”
Reintroduction
Back in December of 2019 just as we were first hearing of a new virus that you could get from eating bats in China, that obviously would never be a problem to us, the Schnark burst onto the internet amid a whirlwind of stillness with this introduction https://schnark.home.blog/2019/12/07/example-post/ I think it is time for theContinueContinue reading “Reintroduction”
Too difficult
To feel your presence I look for you in the wind I look for you in my thoughts I look for you in the garden And in the bed … And all I find is silence …. I find little signs; The sunflower Which the bird planted Which I was promised would never flower IsContinueContinue reading “Too difficult”
Too easy
Is life; To breathe air To eat and sleep To work and play To talk (I talk too much) …. To sing songs To recite poetry To see beauty To look away To claim God’s care To walk with friends …. All these things are too easy for me. I have missed no meals norContinueContinue reading “Too easy”
It is what it is
Some one took me to task for saying this about my situation, the death of my beautiful life loving spouse, and my being far away and powerless to do what I would for her. And I realised I’d been using this expression a lot. I find it a social tool as the emotions seem tooContinueContinue reading “It is what it is”
The woman who melted
How many words are there for alive? She was all of these. And she was my world, my galaxy, my atmosphere. And now ’tis like being in a vacuum. I try to conjure her presence, I imagine her behind me, breathing on my neck. Breathing? She melted – so slowly and then all at once,ContinueContinue reading “The woman who melted”
Poem by James Fraser
What feeling I have in my heart, no one else has. It’s a warm feeling. No one can take away joy because it is alive in my heart. Like in church, you have a happiness, not a deadness. God says happiness is good. We’re all the same. We’re all one. We’re not two people. LikeContinueContinue reading “Poem by James Fraser”
Keep off the blog
The pain of the loss of a very difficult woman.
Nettles
Food that fights At first they seem innocuous,A small stand of light green stems and leavesUnder a newly planted plum.I welcome them as a source of spring healthiness and vigour. But despite regular cropping they become stronger,And Stronger.They fight like lowlanders at Culloden,Each defends his brother with a sideways thrust. Ouch.The pain continues as theyContinueContinue reading “Nettles”
God bless the King!
HEADLINE NEWS MAN THROWS SMALL BITS OF PLASTIC THROUGH RAILINGS AT PALACE Shock/Horror? Police praised for handling difficult situation. Was this really headline news? Whose job was it this morning at the Beeb to assess the importance of this story, and how completely it should be told? Let us think for a moment… Spent shotContinueContinue reading “God bless the King!”
Should auld acquaintance be forgot?
Please click through for musical post. An appalling rendition of Auld Lang Syne Three Ships Was meant to be Auld Lang Syne Happy New Year, best wishes for 2023
The power of love
1st letter of St Paul to the Corinthians Chapter 13 “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can moveContinueContinue reading “The power of love”
Peace or War?
There seems to be a tiny window of doubt within our broadcast media within the wall to wall consensus of Russia bad/Ukraine good/America a well meaning passer by that just happens to have some long distance weapons to spare and an interest in Russia’s failure. Roger Waters has enough celebrity clout to get a mentionContinueContinue reading “Peace or War?”
I saw three ships…
A Beaufort Dinghy To day I chatted up the owner of Millie, a boat similar to this above. He is getting on in age, I’m guessing he predates Ian Proctor’s 1965 design for the16’6″ Beaufort Dinghy, which was, I am told, popular with the Royal Navy dinghy sailors, and was seen as indestructable. He hasContinueContinue reading “I saw three ships…”
Stone cold sober.
Mental illness has been in my thoughts of late, best I don’t say why, but it has always been a diagnosis that I am not prepared to take at face value. I believe it might be always the case that the fault lies not entirely with the patient, but also with the world in whichContinueContinue reading “Stone cold sober.”
Deaths Peripheral to Sars Covid II
Deaths Peripheral to Sars Covid II** Introduction and explanation. I may have alluded before to my work in the funeral business. Throughout the uk epidemic part of the Covid pandemic we learned quickly about the illness that was causing such a stir. It was clear to me from the start that diagnosis was very iffy,ContinueContinue reading “Deaths Peripheral to Sars Covid II”
Deaths Peripheral to Sars Covid II No 1, The Track Worker.
Summary of R.A.I.B. finding. At around 10:52 hrs on Wednesday 8 April 2020, a passenger train, travelling at 90 mph (145 km/h), struck and fatally injured a track worker on the West Coast main line near the village of Roade, Northamptonshire. The accident happened because the track worker, who was the person in charge ofContinueContinue reading “Deaths Peripheral to Sars Covid II No 1, The Track Worker.”
Tumbleweed
7th June 2021 Its very quiet in here. Sadly I no longer have access to a computer at work. My wife’s two laptops do not tempt me, I’ve tried writing with my smart phone, but that doesn’t appeal either. It could also be that I don’t have anything desperate to say, or have done nothing worthContinueContinue reading “Tumbleweed”
Schnark Music
The Schnark has been keeping his head down this winter. A new boat is in my care on the Medway, but we’ve not been a float since July except as crew, or in hired craft. I have stories to tell but not the time to give them credit. I have been instead banging away withContinueContinue reading “Schnark Music”
Christmas and the NHS
Salbutomol 100mcg 2x daily if required Beclamethazone 200mcg 1x daily, Calcium and Vitamin d3 600mg & 400IU, (10mcg) x2 twice daily. Alendronic Acid 70mg x1 once weekly. Folic acid 5mg once daily. Methotrexate 20mg injected once weekly, skip folic acid on this day. Tacrolimus 0.1% ointment once daily applied externally to affected areas as required.ContinueContinue reading “Christmas and the NHS”
Rosehips
Prickly scarlet kisses dangle dangerously over the water butt. I am tasked with taming them. Surgical precision cuts with cold steel Leave a pile of thorns and blushes at my feet. The brightest are to keep, Those mellowing to a fire orange Can be raised to the mouth, Sucked out from the back end, SweetContinueContinue reading “Rosehips”
Oh wretched mouse
Dear little mouse, It has been two years now Since your last appearance, And once again you have destroyed my peace. My poor dear wife is driven to distraction For fear of what you might be doing. And where did you find that acorn? In our attic studio. I understand your pleasure in devouring it,ContinueContinue reading “Oh wretched mouse”
Little Bird
Dear little bird, You have become trapped under the netting Over my neighbour’s cabbages. A state of dire panic You exercise every muscle in your body In an effort to be free of that spiteful web. I am moved with pity and anger. I try to help But I need a knife to cutContinueContinue reading “Little Bird”
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