Plays when I turn on my music box Means – Where should I look for you? ————- I lose my composure. Papers all over the floor Was i composed? I didn’t realise. ————— I wonder how I’d explain myself to the disinterested parties on this miserable foreign train. 20 years And what does that mean?ContinueContinue reading “Wo soll ich dich suchen?”
Author Archives: Schnark
Honey
They say honey has been found in the pyramids Thousands of years old Still edible, Still sweet. ———————- I never had a taste for it, Or a habit of eating the stuff, But, in better days We’d have visitors, And honey Would often be brought. ——————— I see it now as a precious store ofContinueContinue reading “Honey”
Pain II
For some people Grief Is about the other. ————————- It is a selfless thing. They feel pain That is real, And they endure it For the one they love. ————————— Not for me. ————————— For me it is selfish. It is mine and mine alone. —————————- I’ve been called stoic. What shite? Ute was stoic,ContinueContinue reading “Pain II”
Pain
I don’t know that I’ve ever known it. ——————— I remember As a child Of ten? Running, with my blazer over my head, Elbows outstretched, Head down – Think I was a thunderbird, Or a pterodactyl – Straight into a brick wall ———————— I can remember the crack But not the pain. ————————- Pain hadContinueContinue reading “Pain”
What is a relationship?
What is this thing we call relationship That has fallen – so out of fashion? Am I to know when it begins, Or when it ends? ————————- If I hold your hand is that a contract? If I think about you after we part is that something you fear? What about dreams of the future?ContinueContinue reading “What is a relationship?”
Stand in the place where I am
—————- If you have visited me You might have been shocked At the state of my home, And my lack of care For your visit. —————— I have been learning That this is not unusual For folk in my situation. —————— You most likely ran away, And won’t come back. —————— But I need you,ContinueContinue reading “Stand in the place where I am”
Why do men kill themselves?
I’m aware that when I write about this subject it causes alarm to people who care about me, but I find it helpful to write about things, as it helps me, over time, to understand. I know it would be possible to write and not publish, but what would be the point in that? I’mContinueContinue reading “Why do men kill themselves?”
I have a dear friend
I have a friend called Whisky A terribly unfortunate friend. I have great sympathy for Whisky, Pour whisky ————- Whisky lost a fortune, Pour whisky Whisky slipped on the ice, Pour whisky ————— Dear Whisky, A good friend indeed. I hope Whisky doesn’t have too much more misfortune. Hic’ Pour whisky ————— ————— Feel freeContinueContinue reading “I have a dear friend”
Red light
I give way at red lights But I don’t have time to wait, To get cold, And all the while in clear and present danger. ————————- Those who don’t dress cool And venture out on a bike can’t know this, This feeling of energy, Immortality, Power. ———————- This morning, Mid morning, In Newington Causeway, crossingContinueContinue reading “Red light”
My future…
If you knock someone over in a restaurant, you’ve knocked someone over in a restaurant, but what if the person you knocked over had a gun and was going to shoot someone?1 [I wrote this only earlier this year, but events have overtaken this post. Please see…..] I struggled to decide on a tittle forContinueContinue reading “My future…”
Light bulbs
As there are two kinds of light bulbs So there are two kinds of love, Probably many more…. There are L.E.D. light bulbs; That achieve great efficiency That can be left on all day and all night At minimal cost, That shed a mean light signal Devoid of warmth. And there are incandescent bulbs; BulbsContinueContinue reading “Light bulbs”
Vacuous
Learning to listen isn’t easy, When no one speaks, And I fill the vacuum Incessantly ————- And I should have seen this coming; Publishing my address On the internet… ————— A year later…. 47 Valentine’s cards. Each with no message, And no means of reply. —————— I’m sure they’re all from well meaning strangers WhoContinueContinue reading “Vacuous”
Another kind of suicide
I need to bottle myself. I have something desperately important to do, To communicate, But I don’t know what it is, Or to whom. ============= Each one of us is filled to the brim with potential, But society requires us to bottle it. Put a cork in it. Keep out of the way, And don’tContinueContinue reading “Another kind of suicide”
Chasing women
When you chase an intelligent woman Mind you don’t speak in rhyme. Don’t sing her songs, Nor dance before her. She’ll not be impressed. —————— For an intelligent woman Has seen it all before, And she knows she has no need of thee, And that happier she’ll be Alone. —————— So ask yourself, what moreContinueContinue reading “Chasing women”
Stewed apples
What is this alchemy? These apples were devoid of any sweetness or texture. They fell to the ground and were ignored for three months or more By the mice, the rats, the fox and cats, And by my good self. —————— The frost did all he could To sink his icy claws into them. TheContinueContinue reading “Stewed apples”
Alan
A good friend, and sometime retired colleague of mine received a call from a hospital worker at the beginning of January. Her number was one of very few in Alan’s phonebook, Alan had died after a week in hospital did she want to arrange a funeral? She didn’t. She befriended Alan as after they’d workedContinueContinue reading “Alan”
One starry night
https://open.spotify.com/track/6tqtBSQ0byoeyIdkdYHI1Y?si=bWkM392tSgC6gSBVMLgklg One starry night as I lay sleepingOne starry night as I lay in bedI dreamed I heard wagon wheels a creakingWhen I awoke, my own love had fled I’ll search the highways, likewise the bywaysI’ll search the boreens, the camping places too,I will inquire all of our peopleHave they tide or tidings or sightContinueContinue reading “One starry night”
What to do?
When you’re lonely and sad And the only person who talks Doesn’t talk enough, Keeps their distance. ———- And every time you hear from them something in your brain goes haywire. It expects more. You’re startled from your miserable equilibrium. You expect the pleasure of companionship, Of contact, Of more, But all you have isContinueContinue reading “What to do?”
Learning about Love
Mind now, Don’t preach at him. He doesn’t like to hear any word that might be uttered in a church. Touchy boy. I think love is a word, Not a concept. It is used in many ways. Did he love his dad? Did I love mine? And of course there is familial love, Which growsContinueContinue reading “Learning about Love”
To no one in particular
Two songs,…. I don’t really understand either… Or why it’s relevant…. To anything.…. Or anyone…. https://open.spotify.com/track/6tqtBSQ0byoeyIdkdYHI1Y?si=WzhqULmxSnei4NQLh7MWxA&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A1IiLNL7LeHmPqmefggy3cQ https://open.spotify.com/track/7ExSGiqt0W5xu3XoAwjnDm?si=0KeRFr89SkqSw08mLYWnpw&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1EYkqdzj48dyYq The second is proper nonsense, (maybe the first is too), but the mood carries some sort of message. Best wishes. S.
A good question
—————- For a listener, A good question 1st Needs to demonstrate Having heard something, But not Get lost In that detail. ——————- This happens to me. I get lost in the detail And I miss What you Are telling me. ————- So A question Needs to be prepared And forgotten ————- And I Need toContinueContinue reading “A good question”
Seeking community without dependence
I accept that you and I are quite different, But desirous of something similar. And perhaps also something different. ———- You; Have no need of me, But you keep in touch, And, sometimes, make time for me. ——— I; Am learning to have no need of you. Am diminishing my correspondence. Am hoping, as myContinueContinue reading “Seeking community without dependence”
Burning house
youtu.be/cyyNvGkZuaI Dear reader, I’ve read the lyrics so you don’t have to. But the song captures the spirit. Please watch the video on the biggest screen you can find. And I’m kind to you, the video has a happy ending! God bless you, S.
Being the last man standing
I know that I am not, But it feels this way. ——— Like the army have been trampled under horses hooves, Or rather, put to sleep with magic potion. ———- And I was somehow doing something else, I missed the cull, And now here I stand alone, Ranting, An irrelevance. ———— I should join theContinueContinue reading “Being the last man standing”
A criticism of my guru
Roger Hallam has been enjoying the first Christmas of his 5 year prison sentence for coordinating non violent climate protest. I watched an interview recently with Buddhist Monk, Gelong Thubten, who talked of his 4 year meditation retreat on the island of Arran on the West Coast of Scotland. By comparison I’m quite sure thatContinueContinue reading “A criticism of my guru”
Another Season
I tried to be asleep last night before midnight, but those handful of souls who waited for the traditional hour to exchange pleasantries got a response, and I stirred myself to refresh a few acquaintances. The friend on whom I cast myself for Christmas, who was particularly unfestive then, is even less so with theContinueContinue reading “Another Season”
Loving you still
I feel a warmness tonight., A burden truly lifted. I can trust in you To keep me warm. ————- You will warm me yourself Or through another. And I will always know your love And you mine. I need say no more.
Planning for the future.
Or “Palliating the soul” Yesterday I quit all the dating apps that have been distracting me, and giving little promise and even less substance over the last year. I won’t be experimenting with speed dating and I have concluded confidently, that the activities my friends encourage me to participate in will not deliver me theContinueContinue reading “Planning for the future.”
More about Love
This is a very lazy post. I’m sorry. [It was late, I was tired]. I’ve said all I have to about this subject here \/ https://schnark.home.blog/2022/12/24/the-power-of-love/ Now Roger Hallam has summoned clarity on the same topic in his response to the recent power shift across the Atlantic https://youtu.be/AiKWCHAcS7E?si=mEwGlixNy59-yLPw He expresses no confidence that his schemeContinueContinue reading “More about Love”
Mikey is put on hold
George was very excited about his trip, it would have been his first time in the hills as a writer. He was up in the tiny attic in the house on Queens Park getting his camping gear organised. He’d known that the access to the attic wasn’t safe, but as he was reversing out, he’dContinueContinue reading “Mikey is put on hold”
“Well, What do you think?”
Please start here… https://schnark.home.blog/2024/10/16/the-man-who-wrote-real-fiction/ NOTE THERE ARE ELEVEN CHAPTERS BEFORE THIS ONE Or, if catching up, go here for chapter selection… https://schnark.home.blog/category/other-things/fiction/ What do you think? Mikey knew what he thought alright, the place was a mess. The house that he remembered chasing Callum around all those years ago, looked like no one had been in itContinueContinue reading ““Well, What do you think?””
Chapter 1.1
Please start here… https://schnark.home.blog/2024/10/16/the-man-who-wrote-real-fiction/ NOTE THERE ARE ELEVEN CHAPTERS BEFORE THIS ONE Or, if catching up, go here for chapter selection… https://schnark.home.blog/category/other-things/fiction/ Arriving Callum found Mikey in the Islander’s bar, staring at a pint. They were pleased to see one another, and all the usual excited proclamations – on what had changed and what had not -ContinueContinue reading “Chapter 1.1”
Playing with words
can be a dangerous game. Most new dictionary terms are just new ways of expressing old things. My last piece titled Non monogamy has caused me considerable unquiet, and, I think, not been well understood without laboured explanation. When the public mood gives priority to an issue, we seek to address it with new laws,ContinueContinue reading “Playing with words”
Non Monogamy
I’ve been meaning to write about this for some time, I didn’t mean to make it a blog post, but since I’ve been pretty open about my pursuit of human contact I don’t see why this shouldn’t sit here in the timeline. And I’m on holiday from my fiction writing, so my characters can spendContinueContinue reading “Non Monogamy”
Chapter 1
Please start here… https://schnark.home.blog/2024/10/16/the-man-who-wrote-real-fiction/ NOTE THERE ARE TEN CHAPTERS BEFORE THIS ONE Or, if catching up, go here for chapter selection… https://schnark.home.blog/category/other-things/fiction/ Mikey climbed down from the bus at Kyle of Lochalsh, looking around briefly to see who might be waiting, but remembering he’d never given Callum a time, he set off to see the bridge, theContinueContinue reading “Chapter 1”
Debs and George
It was Debs turn to cook, this meant that George got instruction, and the food was often a bit better, and there’d be more washing up. Lamb chops had arrived in the post from some exotic organic farm somewhere in Devon, where the little lambs were tucked up each night and read bed time stories,ContinueContinue reading “Debs and George”
Buchanan Street Bus Station
Please start here… https://schnark.home.blog/2024/10/16/the-man-who-wrote-real-fiction/ Or, if catching up, go here for chapter selection… https://schnark.home.blog/category/other-things/fiction/ Buchanan Street Bus Station on a cold damp Glaswegian, November morning, after a long bus ride north, and Mikey had time to kill. Not time to catch up with old friends hereabouts, It was too early – but time to escape the fugContinueContinue reading “Buchanan Street Bus Station”
Dear Lora,
Please start here… https://schnark.home.blog/2024/10/16/the-man-who-wrote-real-fiction/ Or, if catching up, go here for chapter selection… https://schnark.home.blog/category/other-things/fiction/ Or in particular… https://schnark.home.blog/2024/10/21/dear-george/ Otherwise this will make no sense! Dear Lora, Dear big, strong, Catalan Lora, Thank you for your letters, I will treasure them as I treasure my memories of you, and the time we spent together. I was more aContinueContinue reading “Dear Lora,”
Preparation
Please start here… https://schnark.home.blog/2024/10/16/the-man-who-wrote-real-fiction/ Or, if catching up, go here for chapter selection… https://schnark.home.blog/category/other-things/fiction/ Mikey decided to let his flat go. He didn’t know how long he’d be away, but he didn’t like the responsibility of an empty flat; the boiler, the plumbing, the roof, the windows… It was an old building, and there were anyContinueContinue reading “Preparation”
George was late
Please start here… https://schnark.home.blog/2024/10/16/the-man-who-wrote-real-fiction/ Funny how it mattered to be late for an appointment with yourself. And to cap it off, he was here now, at his upstairs window, but wasn’t ready to say much. But then again, there were plenty of folk that never stop. He’d been thinking a lot about Mikey. He wasContinueContinue reading “George was late”
Debs
Anyone joining this story, please hit fiction in the top menu, and scroll down to “the man who wrote a true fiction” as there it all begins. Her name was Deborah, it never suited her. She met George at college in Newcastle way back in the 90’s, about the time that Jarvis Cocker was gettingContinueContinue reading “Debs”
Opening up to love and adventure.
My newest creation is Lora. Actually she isn’t my creation she was given to me, and I am very grateful. Lora seems very young, I didn’t mean her to be, but I needed an openness which is hard to find in adulthood. I know this because I’ve been looking for love for a year now,ContinueContinue reading “Opening up to love and adventure.”
George
George thought about his own times up in Lochaber, and around Glen Affric, and further south in Knoydart; he thought about the few people who lived there, and the people he’d met, in the bothies, or on the road, almost never on the hill, for the hills were big, and the paths ill defined soContinueContinue reading “George”
Dear George,
My name is Lora and I seen this coming. You found me in the Cafe in the train station, I been staying up Nevis with some friends, but they sickened and went home, and I not known what I do. I thinking you have a nice face, and you talking about all those walks, andContinueContinue reading “Dear George,”
Where to now?
George wasn’t sure what to do with Mikey. He was really pleased with him, he seemed to have dropped from the sky, almost fully formed, with a tiny bit of a back story, that could stay locked up for ever if it had to, or maybe…. well, it would be there if he needed it.ContinueContinue reading “Where to now?”
The man who wrote a real fiction
George realised that by giving his character a name that wasn’t his, he could easily open up a big space, he could stand back in safety and examine this new person. He decided to call him Mikey. No great thought went into it, George didn’t even know a Mikey, but somehow it was the firstContinueContinue reading “The man who wrote a real fiction”
The man who went to a zoom meeting
He had resisted this for a long time, this idea of connecting through a telly screen with a keyboard attached. One by one he had watched his neighbours succumb, he’d seen his boss who was perfectly capable of finding his way to his own garden gate, after only a few years of using satellite navigation,ContinueContinue reading “The man who went to a zoom meeting”
The woodlouse
Escaped from an apple, One of a million Wind fallen apples, And on the run Across the table. —————- I sit up late Amongst the fruit, Carefully trimming out By lamp light The bruises, and the scaly bits of core. Chopping them into thin slices And spreading them on trays. —————— I don’t know whereContinueContinue reading “The woodlouse”
What’s the point of a blog?
Or, what’s the point of this blog? —————- It keeps getting hijacked For different reasons But always by me. —————— It is a kind of semaphore A primitive signaling system. Smoke signals That can be seen for miles If anyone is looking. ——————- But before sending a message One needs to know what one wantsContinueContinue reading “What’s the point of a blog?”
Guarding your light II
Is that what you do? It’s dazzling. ———— And I transfixed Dazed, Confused, Bewildered By your energy. ————— Your radiant warmth Needs no telephony. I Need no exploding device To shatter my calm. I need no direct gaze To be blinded by you, —————- But there you are On that far off Malabar shore TryingContinueContinue reading “Guarding your light II”
Ein Kind ist geboren
Across the sea and up a big river a child has entered the world. Were my love alive today this would be her niece, And she would know what to do. It is barely a year since we buried those ashes In that shady tidy place, So much further away. —————- The child is hopeContinueContinue reading “Ein Kind ist geboren”
Guarding your light
At this time of year my bike is fitted with a hub dynamo. The switch in the lamp is broken. So it’s always on. At the station I need to guard it, so not to signal to, or annoy the drivers. It’s important to keep a good light, But also to shield it, For itContinueContinue reading “Guarding your light”
What is it like to be black?
What is it like to be black? I do not know, I cannot comment. What is it like to be poor and black? I do not know, I cannot comment. What is it like to be rich and black? I do not know, I cannot comment. What is it like to be poor and black,ContinueContinue reading “What is it like to be black?”
Your name
Comes to me 1st as I wake But with no reason, It’s just a name, Maybe a feeling? ————- I make myself think About you— And with the pleasure Comes a little pain….. That it takes effort To turn the name ————- Into solid thought, Memory of you. ————— Now tears too, Guilt, Regret. AContinueContinue reading “Your name”
New suits
Two old men in a shabby room over a miserable shop The older man announces with sarcastic enthusiasm the arrival of the suits. I am most surprised, and a little relieved. I was missed out the last few times that gear was handed out. Clearly I’d offended somehow, My card was marked. But now, itContinueContinue reading “New suits”
The wart
It was growing before my wife’s cancer. It waxes and wanes, Grows big and painful in the winter, But almost disappears each summer. —————- A kindly doctor offered to freeze it off, But warned of a little pain. I took that to be a lot of pain, And I had a lot of travel atContinueContinue reading “The wart”
Contribution from dear Deaf Gerald
I’m sure if there is copyright, the holder won’t mind.
Love.
Tomorrow will be a year since a call from my father in law with news of my wife’s death. I can only describe my love, as in the feeling inside me, as a great, but unwanted resource. There is enough to go round, but no one wants it. The date of the anniversary is anContinueContinue reading “Love.”
The apples that fall in September
The apples that fall in August are better than those that fell in July. But the hair dryer wind that blew in July was enough to dry the best of those, And preserve them without any expense of power. In Penge we have spent many August evenings Meticulously cutting out the mess left behind ByContinueContinue reading “The apples that fall in September”
Hands up who’s heard of Roger Hallam?
I had.… https://schnark.home.blog/2023/10/07/if-you-love-me/ Only just. That was published on the 7th October last year. He would never have made mainstream news, had he not made his “criminal” protest. It doesn’t surprise me to hear he’s been sent to prison for 5 years. I think it’s really the best place for him. What other place couldContinueContinue reading “Hands up who’s heard of Roger Hallam?”
Millie joins the race.
Millie, and I, and my dear friend Deaf Gerald got out on Sunday and sailed from our sheltered creek to, near as damn it, the Red Sands Towers in the middle of the Thames Estuary. The race start time was 07.30hrs BST. HW was 06.45 And we snuck out under oars from the jetty, (havingContinueContinue reading “Millie joins the race.”
Choosing the words (Updated, mid Aug)
Choosing the right words When none are wanted, But there is so much to say And all of it humming with portent. Biding my time. Holding my tongue Withholding my very existence. To hibernate at the height of summer. To hide in open sight, To beg God To escape this wretched no-man’s land. Dreaming ThatContinueContinue reading “Choosing the words (Updated, mid Aug)”
Cross dressing
It began with my wife’s socks, Much more cheerful colours than mine. Oh, before that, a sailbag sarong. A questioning of expectation… A re-invention. —————— But I cannot stomach the pretty little pink and turquoise stripes. I wore them for two days, But felt most uncomfortable. And this tshirt is made to accommodate Far moreContinueContinue reading “Cross dressing”
Thoughts on National Service
The Conservative party are seeking to remain in power for another 5 year term, making up to nineteen years in power, less than Putin, but not much less My first thought, on reading of their desperate attempt to appeal to the electorate – ie the old, who have time, and are minded to vote -ContinueContinue reading “Thoughts on National Service”
See it, say it, sorted.
I was surprised to learn that this oft repeated slogan was only minted in 2016. And I don’t know if all the images featured on these posters date back to then, or if this one, that caught my eye recently, is new. The slogan seems to be claimed by AML Group, https://aml-group.com/our-work/see-it-say-it/ based in Shoreditch,ContinueContinue reading “See it, say it, sorted.”
What is a war?
Here I am again Banging my drum. —— Nothing new here, So regular readers, move along If it’s novelty you seek. —— I’m triggered by the news That Britain’s not ready For war —— And that war hasn’t yet begun. I wonder what was said By that great Russian To the people he took toContinueContinue reading “What is a war?”
Memories
The memories of which I speak, Are not the ones that live in my head. -There are plenty of those- But the ones that fill cupboards, And boxes, Nooks, And crannies…. —- Which I come across now and then. When putting away the laundry, Or looking for lost things. —— These are scribbles on paperContinueContinue reading “Memories”
Uncle Peter’s cutlery drawer.
I visited a few weeks before he died., A year after he was widowed. I didn’t understand the illness. ——— Addiction to morphine left him running for the toilet Whenever the dose was cut. ———- I was sent out to buy steak. I came back with a pie Which he barely touched, Nor the vegetables.ContinueContinue reading “Uncle Peter’s cutlery drawer.”
schnark.home.blog 