Why do men kill themselves?

I’m aware that when I write about this subject it causes alarm to people who care about me, but I find it helpful to write about things, as it helps me, over time, to understand. I know it would be possible to write and not publish, but what would be the point in that? I’m quite sure there are only five or six people who read this blog, and that I can trust you not to be overly alarmed.

This thought is in my mind at the moment, as an intellectual issue, not a practical one.

Men need somewhere to retreat to when things are difficult, and over time, I think we start to grow tired of seeing doors closed on us, and we begin to anticipate, and close ourselves out, in order to save ourselves the pain of rejection. I think its that simple. When we run out of doors, we have nowhere else to go, and because by doing this we have given ourselves zero value, we have enabled the logic of closing the last door.

I have been making a meal this week over a door. I have been playing hard to get, and making it almost impossible for a third party to not exclude me, (sorry for the double negative). I am ok with that, and I am lucky to have other doors, I think.

So I have places to go and lick my wounds, and energy to think about other doors, I won’t carry a crow bar, rather I will wait patiently and hope to be welcomed somewhere.

These aren’t physical places, behind these doors, they are in my head, emotional, maybe spiritual, but I think a common thing is money troubles, the debtors are closing in, I will lose my home where will I go? I guess that’s another kind of door closing, and luckily one I don’t need to worry about.

I am encouraged to leave my job, and seek adventure, that would be closing a door, though there might be other doors, I would see it as a very risky strategy. That door will close soon enough, and I will probably be alright, I will try to keep myself fit for the challenges that will come, and I will try to invest in preparations for it soon.

But meantime, Reader, thank you for keeping this tiny door open.